break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
