when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
