She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
