awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
