I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
