i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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