If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
