This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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