What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
