i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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