Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
