the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
