Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
