Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
