White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
