They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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