I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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