Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
