420 ftw
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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