Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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