it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
