Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
