Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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