i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
