I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
