Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
