i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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