happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
nutella sex= disaster
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
