i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
