Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
