Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
