Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
