Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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