It's like God shit irony all over that family
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
