There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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