First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
