Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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