I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
