i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
