She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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