Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
