I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
