Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
