I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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