My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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