i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
