So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
