I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
did i walk over a car last night?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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