Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
