Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
