Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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