How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
