this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
